January 3rd, 1997

Friday

God I feel worn out. Awoke 8:30am but I think I could have slept all day, talk about feeling lethargic! But ive got to clean the beer debris and bags of bile from my room (glamorous huh?) then take a much needed bath. Its been three days since I bathed. One of the many downsides to addiction is it stinks. Literally! Took a few Valium.
Danny called over, talk about suprise,thought everyone had forgotten me. He gave me his college address. Took me ages to have a bloody bath, I was glad when he left.
Had 10 Mogadon (Nitrazepam) delivered by the 'Candyman', so now I have Nitrazepam in both liquid and chalk (tablet) form. Plus valium. Very happy!

My Korn hooded sweatshirt arrived. Cool. Took 25mg of Mogadon cosh and 2 valium 5mg at 6:30pm, f**k it I was bored and Jonesing for a buzz off something. Sat in my room floating, and f**k its cold too! Don't bother going out much when im off the booze. Smoked 10 ciggies and when Dad went out I went downstairs for a mooch about, see what was on the History channel. Crashed out at 1:15am after watching 'Seven' (Morgan Freeman and Kevin Spacey.) Brilliant film. Critics said it was as good as 'The Silence Of The Lambs' but I thought it was better. Morgan Freeman is one of Americas best actors and im a big fan of most of his work. He has a mesmerising screen presence and hisvoice is so perfect in that velvety, scotch tinged drawl.

Zero Booze

January 2nd, 1997

Thursday

Sick with bile all day. Green stream flowing from my yawn like a nuclear leak from another world. Woe is me! I took a few Valium but reckon I must have thrown them up again because I felt none calmer. The effects these binges have on me is madness so it has to be the straight and narrow for this boyo from now on. No booze and AA meetings. I remained in bed all day reading and re reading Playstation magazines, trying to find some humour to ease the suffering. I feel like utter crap! Worse than crap.
The only susbstance to have passed my lips (besides the Valium) is water. Think i'll go on a fruit and vegetable diet for a week to clean my insides out. Total detox. I feel sick just thinking about meat and junk food! Began to to feel a bit better by 10pm ish, and at 11:25pm took 25mg Nitrazepam.
Went downstairs and watched a few progs id recorded: Only Fools and Horses and Ronnie Barker: A Life in Comedy. Loved old Ronnie, perfect comedy timing. Felt the Mogadon cosh doing its job. Felt oh so mellow and lovely. Yes lovely is the perfect word to describe the feelings when under the magical influence of Nitrazepam. Beautiful stuff, an elixir from the gods.
Smoked 6 cigarettes (f**king things) and went to bed 2:20am

Zero Booze