Thursday
Awoke 4am feeling altogether unwell, the result of a 6 day binge. I tried to feel better by drinking a can of Mild 2.7% (ah the mechanics of alcoholism) but it was a useless attempt because I brought it all back up. Lovely! Went back to bed ill and in fear of my health, although sleep mercifully did arrive.
At 10:30am I was awake again to the pains of over indulgence and was sick for a while. I had the shakes (or DTs) but I swallowed 2 valium and they did their job. Still, I remained in bed all day reading 'The Holocaust' by Paul Johnson, and if hell does exist then Hitler and his heartless cronies are surely in it right up to their wretched necks.
Dad shouted upstairs that Mum was on the phone but I told him to tell her I was feeling too foul to answer. Im certain she knows why. At one stage it felt as if my insides were actually rotting away. I must stay clear of alcohol! Listened to the radio with a nervous headache all evening. Terrible shite. Also picked up 'Death's Door' too, short stories of people who have experienced NDEs (near death experiences.) Dying of course is a mystery offering up many questions but I do recall T.S. Elliot writing, "I shall be glad of another death." Sounds good to me!
Watched television from 11pm to 3am and was restless the entire time. Im going to give sobriety my best shot, I can't do more can I? If I carry on boozing I fear insanity or death will follow.
Zero Booze
1997 Diary of Poet Steven Francis. Larger than Life, wiser than Yoda! This journal features failure and successes. And blood, never forget the blood...
