Friday
Arose feeling like I hadn't slept all night but I did because I remember dreaming. Took 2 Valium to calm my 'head thoughts' (tense headache), had a bath and instantly felt better. Mum phoned asking if I wanted to go up to Pen Y Mynydd, but I told her I felt as though I was having a heart attack because of chest pains but she put it down to anxiety. I do so love to be overly dramatic and perhaps gain a few grains of attention along the way. (Sad I know.)
Nevertheless I did go up and there were lots there: Stu, Gonk, Marcia, Ann Marie, Heidi, Barry and of course all the children. It was good, none of the kids bickered or squabbled, they got on great. I felt slightly left out not having children or anything. Might sound silly but I did feel 'strange' because I hadn't become a father yet. Millions don't, snap out of it lad!
Mum said, "it won't make you drink because we're all drinking will it?" I wish she wouldn't ask that all the time, im not a bloody sheep, it takes more than a group of people boozing to rev up my engines. (Lonliness is a good reason I find.) I stuck to tea and sparkling water. Was I the slightest bit envious at the drinkers? A tad if im honest of course but alas the trail after my alcoholic sessions is never pretty and my body and mind are ravaged a great deal so im better sober in the longer run.
Came homw at 8pm and read (and wrote) a letter to Tara. Later on I succumbed to the wretched television until 3 in the morning. Sleep comes hard without the sting, but I did finally fall into a beautiful slumber by 3:30am.
Zero Booze
1997 Diary of Poet Steven Francis. Larger than Life, wiser than Yoda! This journal features failure and successes. And blood, never forget the blood...
